Name of fic:Not sure
Basic plot or anything you can remember:
Zacky is sick and Brian goes to the store to buy meds can't figure out what to buy and needs help from a woman working there. I think in the end they ended up in the hospital. Throughout the story Zacky kept saying he was dying.
This is a really old one. Brian is in college and he is sharing a room with michelle but then he meets matt and they fall in love. I remember there were two endings one where he stayed with michelle and the other where he told michelle he loved matt and she understood and then he went on christmas day to be with Matt.
Uggh. This is the first time where the only thing that keeps me going is the money that the job brings. Every other job i have had, I have always had a blast with the people, at least a group if not all. Here there are nothing but bitter, going nowhere with their lives bitches who piss me off with just the mere knowledge that they will be breathing the same air as me, especially the one stuck up bitch that comes in at freaking 11 pm always in a bad attitude like its our fault her life sucks I have never spoken to this cunt, yes she pissed me off enough to use to c word, for her to be horrid towards me. And then the customers.......my body aches too much for me to go into all the details of how much I am beginning to loathe humans but don't fear the lists will come, oh will they, i could write books on the stupidity that abounds in this hell hole. Now i must go scrub the fumes of coffee, tobacco, and resignation to this horrid fate off of me before I crash.
The last few days have been pretty great, no horrible fascination with sharp objects, or feelings of wanting to end it all. the only thing that sucks is that my eyes are dilated and have been all day. so because of this i have a pounding headache that doesn't seem to want to go away. It got worse tonight witnessing ody and josh snipe at each other, it start out like the usual joking but something happened and you could just tell josh was sick of it, so that is why i fled the room, too many hard emotions to deal with. i hope ody realizes that he does get tired of her shit sometimes and maybe she should cool it. I don't want her to get hurt. anyhoo, frick on a stick, my eyes hurt. i am happy that at least i have felt up to going to work, because damn if i don't need that money.I still don't what i am going to do about school. eh but at least i have broken down the wall a little bit when it comes to art, i drew some pics and painted some. its all good......except for the eyes...frick on a stick, ok i won't bring them up again.
So today started out horrible, b/c Dr. B had apparently upped the geodon dosage without telling me so I couldnt even get out of bed until 4 and even now it is as if i am stuck in a really bad fog. I took the lithium no crazy effects so far, still keeping my fingers crossed.
So now I am officially on Lithium. It scares me to think of what changes may come. Will I get better, will the hollowness stop, the ache, the pain, the craving for sharp objects and blood, or will it get worse, will my cuts go from survival to self conclusion? It scares me. Tomorrow is the first day, the first step to either a semi balanced life or the first step to the big leap. Death scares me. The thought of a gaping nothingness on the other side, nothing. But sometimes that nothing is inviting, especially when the load I carry gets too much to bare. Even writing this makes my heart ache and pulse run. Not knowing always did drive me crazy. Tick Tock, tomorrow shall begin to reveal all, or leave me hanging until the blind bend.
well after telling ody what happened yesterday with jesser, alan, gumnar, and angel trading gifts and telling each other how much they are happy to be family right in front of me while ignoring me and pretending i couldnt hear, more than likely rubbing it in for not picking up the phone the other day, ody flew off the handle told day who told mom both who at first went off on them then mom came over here and then alan and jesser trying to talk to me i wouldnt and fled to my room but ody got into it with alan jesser and mom, and then the cherry on this fantastic day mom ended up blaming me for ruining her holiday and life. so all in all i am not going on the ski trip no i am staying her because i dont want to be stuck with them no matter how many photo ops there are. fuck that i guess i'll just work and well work. yay what a great holiday.
I am so fucking sick of the family already today after all the shit that went down yesterday they had the fucking nerve to trade presents with each other right in front of me knowing i wasn't included almost as if they wanted to rub in the fact that i was left out. fuck them im so fucking sick of this bullshit i am not even going skiing if this is what it is going to be like in fact i don't think i ever planned on being trapt in that fucking cabin with them. ill tell mom tomorrow im tired of pretending shit is peachy my meds are on the brink and i am in no shape to be around these assholes without being properly medicated.