August 23rd, 2009


 No seriously. I am lost, even more than Julie Powell, while she at least has a job to feel powerless at. I am, to borrow a phrase, drowning, drowning in a sea of indifference, lack of motivation and have no clue what to do with my life. All this without the benefit of the talent of cooking. If I manage to scramble eggs correctly I am a success in my tiny world. In fact if I were to start cooking my way through a cook book my brother and his squad would have to be on call 24/7 so that there is someone here to put out the flames and drag my lifeless body out of the inferno I created. I can't even go to college like a normal person or work like a normal person. (i.e. actually showing up for both without  homicidal tendencies fueling my overcaffinated body) 
I have bounced from major to major, job to job, seeking what we all do. Somewhere to fit in, to enjoy what I do, anything that excites me so that  i do not wake up every day like in freaking Groundhog Day, dreading my life.
The movie is great but it left me kind of bitter. Here i am once again jobless, looking forward to another fall semester of "trying to get this year right" and I feel like a zombie. I have no passion, no drive and its getting to the point where I think I might just stop swimming frantically and let myself sink to end my misery early. Of course even that takes effort so let's face it, I am not going to do it. I really don't think I am asking for much here. Just a passion for something, anything to remind me I am alive and not just going through the motions I feel are right.

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